“As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.” –\u00a0Robert Quillen<\/p>\n
“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.” –\u00a0Phyllis Diller<\/p>\n
“The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” –\u00a0George Carlin<\/p>\n
“I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” –\u00a0David Bissonnette<\/p>\n
“In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out.” –\u00a0Joey Adams<\/p>\n
“A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That’s basic spelling that every woman ought to know.” –\u00a0Mistinguette<\/p>\n
“Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself — like, for instance, he can’t find any clean socks. ” –\u00a0Jean Kerr<\/p>\n
“If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.” –\u00a0W.C. Fields<\/p>\n
“Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison.” –\u00a0Tim Allen<\/p>\n
“A good rule of thumb is if you’ve made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you’ve made a serious vocational error.” –\u00a0Dennis Miller<\/p>\n