I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.<\/p>\n
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong.<\/p>\n
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.<\/p>\n
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.<\/p>\n
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”<\/p>\n
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.<\/p>\n
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.<\/p>\n
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.<\/p>\n
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.<\/p>\n
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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