One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. ‘Tie me up,’ she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’ So he tied her up and went golfing. —– A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She [...]

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A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of [...]

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1. I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank. 2. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. 3. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf. 4. Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars are now trading higher than GM. 5. Obama met with small businesses – GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and [...]

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. [...]

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A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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